I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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