Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
