I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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