id be glad to
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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