was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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