my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
