Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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