ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
