You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
