Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
