bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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