opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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