Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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