My room smells like vodka and shame
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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