It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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