I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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