I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
