She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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