i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
