i think my tv is drunk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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