i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
