FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
