her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
