So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
