i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
