guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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