Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
