just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
