Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
