im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
