so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
