I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
