just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
