you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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