whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
