I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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