so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
