Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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