help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NoShamevember. You game?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
