Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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