Where is the hickey?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
