Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
