my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
