Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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