I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize