I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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