We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
