i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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