if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize