Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
