my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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