OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
