if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
