first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
