This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
