I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
