3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
too bad you live with your parents still
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
