People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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