He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
