3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
