I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
