Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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