Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
