mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
