She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
