I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
