Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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