I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
