I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
