apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
