Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
