I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
