So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
